Social Commentary

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Feed That Frankenstein: Goldengirl

Published March 10, 2017 by biggayhorrorfan

goldengirl

(Feed That Frankenstein focuses on the many pictures that use variants on the themes that the underappreciated Mary Shelley began writing about all those thunderstruck evenings ago.)

Estimating that the evilest of scientists are from a European descent, the creators of Goldengirl naturally went full Neo-Nazi with Curt Jurgens’ experimenting Dr. Serafin. Or did they?

Focusing on the Olympic ascension of the magnificent Goldine (Susan Anton), Serafin’s stepdaughter, this 1979 science fiction piece replaces Mary Shelley’s elegantly stitched together monster with a sporty, statuesque blonde. Of course, being beautiful is a curse here. Goldine is treated to electroshock therapy to increase her speed and those pesky injections (administered by her father) may increase her stature and stamina, but they also leave her diabetic and predisposed to a twisted, violent streak. Meanwhile, a series of backers wanting a payoff means that she has to achieve an unheard of three gold medals in track and field. Add in the fact that her fledgling romance with legendary sports agent Jack Dryden (James Coburn) appears as if it will never get past the tentative stage…and a girl could just go completely bonkers! original_goldengirl2

…and she does…a little bit. Goldine subjugates Jack to a bit of humiliation, here and there, and she has a diva meltdown on a fellow Olympian, but there are no huge monstrous altercations in this fun celluloid jumble. Instead, the powers-that-be decide to concentrate on the almost nonexistent romantic elements of the plotline. Thus, revealing, at the fadeout, that the worst thing that can happen to a chemically and socially manipulated femme fatale is… heartbreak.

The lack of oomph in the production is most likely attributed to the fact that the producers had a change of heart during its troubled genesis. All original allegations of Dr. Serafin’s master plan and deviant ties to the Third Reich were stripped from the narrative. Instead he is portrayed as a flawed (and slightly crazed) humanist who wants to increase the possibilities of the biological form.  Therefore, a whistle blowing associate, played by the always intriguing Jessica Walter, is totally cut from the proceedings. (Although, she is briefly glimpsed in a scene in which Goldine’s benefactors first arrive to check out their potential client.)It’s a strange move that leaves the film in a never world. It’s a bit sports movie and a bit Jekyll and Hyde monster flick. There are glimpses of a science fiction thriller and a smidge of tepid May-December romance. All in all, it’s a gelatin take on celluloid intrigue – slightly shimmering with nothing too caloric to stick to the viewer’s senses at the end mark.

goldengirlinsertAnton, meanwhile, in her major motion picture debut, does her damnedest to register assuredly. She manages it at times, always appearing physically magnificent, but sometimes the pure awkwardness of the setups causes her to strain a bit unconvincingly. She might have been helped a bit if she had been paired against someone other than Coburn. Always a master of low key manliness, he is just too cool a cucumber to truly sell the more seductive elements of the plot.

Still, this hodge podge affair has its charms. Particularly, it is nice to experience a feminine focus point in a variation on a narrative that Mary Shelley, a young woman herself, created all those many dark and stormy nights ago.

Until the next time – SWEET love and pink GRUE, Big Gay Horror Fan!

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Viewing with Father Lou

Published August 20, 2016 by biggayhorrorfan

Priest

“Be faithful to me tonight,” he cooed, prettily, wrapping himself around my leg as I tried to retain my concentration on Traci Lords and her notoriously notable, legitimate acting debut in the remake of Not of This Earth.

It was the spring of 1988. I was home, on a quick break from college, and the “he” in question was my first horror movie buddy. He had a tendency to annoy me with such requests, over the years, as we watched such outrageous fare as Bloodsucking Freaks, Creepers and Friday the 13th, Part 4 together. I knew him as Father Lou and I think, despite our family’s closeness to him, that is what I always referred to him by. I can’t ever remember just calling him “Lou”. Due to my dad’s insistence, he gained a position as “favorite family uncle” during the latter part of my freshman year of high school. My father, a determined social achiever who was running a huge school district by the end of his career, was hot to make his way into the upper reaches of our local parish and a friendship with the new priest was a sure way to do it.

Father Lou endeared himself to us all, though, with his outrageous wit and sense of fun and cookie jars full of peanut M and M’s and red licorice. Most importantly, he embraced my love of all things terror related, something my parents thought made me a bit mentally unbalanced, and we were soon trading paperback novels with each other and, excitedly, rhapsodizing over our favorite films. While he made inappropriate comments, here or there, in my early teen years, it was once I hit 17 and he began to suspect that my friendships with other men in summer stock companies and various theater programs might be sexual in nature, that his efforts to seduce me tripled.

Once or twice, I would give in.

Questionable teen hormones and pure frustration allowed me to grant him a quick rendezvous or two in which his smooth rotund stomach and firm yet stubby penis were the primary participants. Both times, he would weakly ejaculate before I even had to touch him and he would quickly pull up his impossibly large tighty whities and run upstairs to clean up before my parents arrived to indulge in church gossip with him or just to simply visit.

Honestly, I’ve never quite known where to place him on my personal sexual registry. Inappropriateness aside, I was already 18 and in my final year of high school by the time, worn down from repeated advances, I allowed him a first, furtive dalliance. In many ways, I suppose my experiences with him are akin to the relations that I had with various men that I slept with, out of last call desperation, in my younger days in the city.  He’s just another example of bad, instantly regrettable sex – a bizarre and off color story of my youth. He haunts me only in these dusty nostalgic ramblings or in those midnight hours as I bike the city streets, worn out from a work shift at the rib joint, and recollections, distant at first and then furtively prying, such as this overtake me. Otherwise, therapy and distance have reduced his foothold in my life, long ago.CREEPERS

More than anything, as a fully fledged cine-maniac, what I am most thankful for, I realize as I devise this, is that these woeful encounters did not color my love for the films we viewed. Many of  them were indicative of the more sordid excesses of the genre – making the fact that my first viewing of them was with him all the more interesting, I suppose – and I still revel in that juicy freedom. Talk to an ardent fan of any type of media and oftentimes who they were with and the positivity that surrounded said creation are highly indicative of their devotion to it. Here, I am glad that sometimes celluloid itself is enough. That art, in whatever form it may arrive in, does indeed prevail.

I still adore Creepers (and Phenomena, its more legitimate rendering). It was my introduction to Italian horror cinema just as Bloodsucking Freaks was my first, very uncomfortable witnessing of an extreme form of grindhouse cinema. Both were bold and unconventional, aspects that I have wished for in my own life. These characteristics have, naturally, informed me more than anything else and I am fortified in the knowledge that they peek through at the most appropriate moments. Most especially, I hope, when recounting moments like this.

Until the next time – SWEET love and pink GRUE, Big Gay Horror Fan!

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Clemency for David Barren

Published May 14, 2016 by biggayhorrorfan

david

Truth: One of my biggest fears is the thought of being locked up in prison for something I didn’t do or for some unimaginably minor offense.

Therefore, I just had to sign the petition for clemency for David Barren, a man given life for a drug conspiracy charge. If you’re someone else who feels a bit of a twinge whenever a cop car slows down in your vicinity or feels compelled towards simple human justice, you might want to take a look at the petition and sign it, yourself.

https://www.change.org/p/president-barack-obama-clemency-for-david-m-barren-serving-life-without-parole-for-a-non-violent-drug-offense

Thanks in advance, and as always, SWEET love and pink GRUE, Big Gay Horror Fan!

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The Cowardice of Bullying

Published June 19, 2015 by biggayhorrorfan

bullyingWow.

So, I know with the name and my slavish fan boy enthusiasm that I put myself out there for criticism. I’ve had comments on my video interviews that have ranged from the homophobic to the simply bizarre. One recent statement, disbelievingly, referred to me as “a real 3 dollar bill”. U-m-m…no shit!

The Backside of Horror, my look at male nudity in terror was even, recently, called out as the reason that “horror fans get a bad name”. That one I can even understand…but even when I can’t, I just roll with it.

Yesterday, on my personal Facebook page, I gave a quick shout out for an upcoming film event that I am a part of. It involves the appearance of one of my favorite horror queens, whose bio I, enthusiastically, laid out in the announcement.

The post.

The post.

This morning, I woke up to a burst of scatter shot private messages from an individual who had “friended” me three years ago. We’ve had no contact since. Basically, he linguistically gutted me for being nothing more than a wanna-be fan boy and stated, in a variety of ways, that I was living a worthless life. He then blocked me and/or disappeared from Facebook altogether, mooting any chance I had of a response. Not that I would have…

…but it did get me to thinking. What remains with me the most about this experience is the total and complete cowardice of those who bully. This guy, basically, slammed me in the back of the head with a grapheme hammer and then ran off with his tail, tucked firmly, between his legs. I am sure that he is feeling very bold and self righteous and powerful – if not a little crazy – right now but, in reality, he is the complete opposite.

H-m-m…I guess it’s a good thing that I am a white faggot writing about genre movies and not a black Christian right now, huh?

Before you all throw up your arms, I know this is a small, small thing compared to the tragedy that took place in Charleston yesterday. In fact, it’s not comparable.

But, I do truly believe that this is where the germ of such terrible, true life horrors begins.

Let’s stop this now.

Until the next time – SWEET love and pink GRUE, Big Gay Horror Fan.

http://www.facebook.com/biggayhorrorfan

The Real Monsters

Published May 9, 2015 by biggayhorrorfan

Mayweather

Mayweather


It’s a natural that we outsiders and geeks have promoted the likes of Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolf Man, Freddy, Jason and Michael to hero status. They all reflect, in one way or another, the minor misanthrope beating, quietly, within us all.

But the public’s hero worship of real life monsters is something that truly baffles me.

Last week, 1,000,000’s cheered on Floyd Mayweather, a brutal practitoner of domestic violence, to victory during something referred to as The Fight of the Century. The cries of outrage for the public canonization of such a loathsome individual were there, but were far outweighed by those filled with rapturous support.

George

George

The week before that, Chicago’s Cardinal George, one of the world’s most notorious Catholic officials in regards to covering up the sex crimes of the priests, was honored with a funeral that was broadcast on all the major Midwest television stations. Once again, there were gasps of protest, but they also were drowned out by the waves of adulation for this terrible individual. If one keeps in mind that George actually allowed officials to hire coaches to train priests how to get around the identification of their genitals by their accusers, then one quickly realizes that the networks were, basically, having a glorious parade for a criminal.

But a walk through your local entertainment section at Target or Best Buy reveals that this blind eye behavior exists everywhere. Why are Lady Gaga and Jennifer Hudson, two seemingly evolved entertainments, doing duets with R Kelly, whose damaging sexual exploits are legendary, on their latest recordings? Why does Madonna feature a clip of Mike Tyson, accused of domestic violence and rape, on her current song Iconic? There had to have been someone more substantial yet still appropriate to her theme to use, no?

But when the majority of the public are still being stunned by fame, money and ancient protocol, what is the answer?

The only thing I can think of is to not be silent. That no matter how voiceless the voices of the concerned may seem, maybe as time goes by, more and more voices will join ours and, eventually, people will stop buying the tickets and MP3’s and finally we will all turn away when the flag is waved for one of society’s actual demons.

Until the next time – SWEET love and pink GRUE, Big Gay Horror Fan!

http://www.facebook.com/biggayhorrorfan

Jaden Smith, Fashion Hero!

Published April 11, 2015 by biggayhorrorfan

jaden
His science fiction films like After Earth and The Day the Earth Stood Still reimagining may not have shook the cosmos, but it looks like actor and celeb kid Jaden Smith’s fashion sense may just change the world.

Recently photographed wearing a dress, Smith has, naturally, caused a media sensation. But the fact that his actions are blurring the lines between male and female, gay and straight and, possibly, shine a light on what transgendered youths go through, on a daily basis, truly make this 16 year old a hero.

His tweet, “Went To TopShop To Buy Some Girl Clothes, I Mean ‘Clothes,'” earlier in the week, further solidifies the boundaries that this humanitarian is quickly bending and/or breaking.

So, thanks, Jaden! At such a young age, you’re a better, braver man than most!

Until the next time – SWEET love and pink GRUE, Big Gay Horror Fan!

http://www.facebook.com/biggayhorrorfan

Real Life Horror 101

Published January 6, 2015 by biggayhorrorfan

sodomy
Wow. So, apparently this is an Irish leaflet against gay marriage.

Catchy. But rather sick (on so many levels). Is it just me or does the way that they state this imply that they think it is okay for children to listen to hetrosexual copulating?!

Got me a copy editor – stat!!!

Until the next time – SWEET love and pink GRUE, Big Gay Horror Fan!

http://www.facebook.com/biggayhorrorfan