There are beasts living in Big Gay Horror Fan’s building! And I am not talking about the mysterious couple, next door, who slither about the hall at all hours of the morning or even the moon eyed drunk who catatonically thrashes out of the elevator whenever I happen to try to use it! No, I am talking about the giant towers of rats that reside in the garage dump inside the alley entrance. This is the entrance that I have to use to because I am a biker and can’t take my favorite form of transportation through the building’s front door. Suck as that may, this situation is actually a perfect example of how the world really works. Help save on fossil fuels and your nightly reward is flea ridden fiends scattering about your feet! And no! I am not talking about my last three dates, assholes. (Pf-f-f-t. I haven’t had a date in years!)
Pathetic as that admission may be, I still feel I am far luckier than Nightmare on Elm Street honey Lisa Wilcox and genre icon Martin Kove. In their recent release Savage these two not only have to battle costume nightmares (Wilcox = a pregnancy pad while Kove, a long way off from sporting white, crotch beckoning shorts in 1982’s Blood Tide, has to contend with filthy jeans and rotting teeth) but a savage, tree bopping Bigfoot monster, as well!!
Seeing as I dig gigantic, gooping wads of cheese far more than any of my favorite gutter dwellers, I actually kind of got a bit sweet on my Savage. (Or – could it be because of those three years without any physical contact?!? H-m-m-m… well, maybe with a little Nair? Nah.) Back on point: With Savage, naturally you get your stock characters – the bedraggled local (Kove), the eager scientist, the repentant murderous criminal (here a sexy young woman who – spoiler – in one of the film’s thrillingly anticipated moments, ultimately, sacrifices herself to pay for her sins) and, lastly, the proud, upstanding officer and his devoted, pregnant wife (Wilcox). Most importantly – you, also, get an honest monster in a suit, as well! This ‘Mister All Knawing on Human Flesh and Stuff’ isn’t the most real looking beastie you’ve seen in your life, but it is better than CGI any day of the week, thank you!
There are also several truly thrilling sequences where our Yeti bounds through the forest with swinging passion, knocking past trees and wood life with such rage filled abandon, that I almost needed to grab my blonde defibrillator just to revive myself. These chase sequences are filmed with heat and passion by director, Jordan Blum, and are worth the price of your ape seat alone.
Now, to save you from edge of your seat wondering: Is Savage great art? Nah. But, it sure is a heck of a lot of fun!
Savage is currently growling, furiously, throughout your favorite rental palace, courtesy of MTI Video. Check them out at http://www.facebook.com/mtihomevideo and —
Until next time – Sweet love and pink Grue, Big Gay Horror Fan